Seven Tips For Writing Kinky Characters

Not everyone who is into BDSM looks like this.

If there’s one thing that the mainstream media almost always seems to get horribly wrong, it’s the depiction of characters who are into BDSM. For those who aren’t sure what “BDSM” means, it’s basically the more modern acronym for “S&M” but it also covers bondage and Dom/sub relationships too. I’m not quite sure whether the term also covers fetishes too, but it certainly can include various fetishes too (eg: leather, bondage etc…)

There’s some debate about whether BDSM can actually be considered a sexuality in and of itself, and my opinion on this topic is that for some people it is and for some people it isn’t. Not to mention that (both cisgender and transgender) straight, gay, lesbian and bisexual people can all be into BDSM. So, maybe it can be considered a second level of sexual orientation?

But, nonetheless BDSM is a widely-known variation of human sexuality which has often been unfairly misrepresented and/or misunderstood. As such, creative people who don’t really have even a basic understanding of this topic are likely to inadvertently write or draw about it in inaccurate and/or offensive ways.

So, here are a few basic pointers if you plan to include a kinky character or depictions of BDSM in your story and/or comic:

1) Kinky =/= Evil: Just because a character is into BDSM doesn’t mean that they are inherently evil or depraved. Like any other group of people, there are some good people who are into BDSM, there are some evil people who are into BDSM and most people lie somewhere between these two extremes.

Whilst it’s probably not as bad as it used to be, sadosmaochistic characters still tend to be disproportionately portrayed as “evil” or “morally questionable” in films, stories, TV shows etc… I could draw parallels between the depiction of LGBT characters in the media a few decades ago and the depiction of kinky characters in the mainstream media today, but this is probably too much of an obvious comparison to make (plus, they are completely separate and different things too. Although LGBT people can obviously be into BDSM too, not all LGBT people are.)

So, be aware that it’s perfectly ok for kinky characters to be the “good guys” in your story. They don’t have to be evil. In fact, your story is more interesting if they aren’t.

2) Sometimes there’s a reason, sometimes there isn’t: Just because your character is into BDSM and/or has one or more fetishes doesn’t mean that you necessarily “have” to explain why they are who they are.

Whilst, from what I’ve read, some people can trace their interest in BDSM and/or the origin of their fetishes back to one (fascinating and/or relatively innocuous) event or experience, for quite a few people it’s just something that has always been there in some form or another for literally as long as they can remember. There’s no real reason or explanation for it. It just is.

Likewise, coming up with some kind of “dark” or “horrific” backstory to explain why a character is into BDSM generally isn’t a good idea since it’s usually hideously unrealistic. Not to mention that it will probably make any of your readers who are into BDSM roll their eyes and stop reading your story or comic. Plus, it kind of sends out the message that people who are into BDSM are all “damaged” or “traumatised”, which is blatantly untrue.

3) Not all kinky people are goths, not all goths are kinky: Yes, BDSM imagery/fashion and gothic imagery/fashion go together as well as gin and tonic water do, but this doesn’t mean that all kinky people are goths and vice versa.

Since, as I said earlier, BDSM is (at the very least) a second level of sexual orientation and, as such, it covers a wide variety of different people who, of course, have widely different tastes in fashion and music. They can also have widely different political views too (which is probably why both liberal and conservative BDSM-based stereotypes exist).

Portraying literally all kinky people as goths is pretty similar to portraying, say, all gay men as muscular, mustachioed and dressed in leather. In other words, it’s a stereotype. And, as with all stereotypes, some people might fit into it but quite a large number of people won’t and it is unfair to generalise.

4) Safe. Sane. Consensual: If you’re writing obviously fantastical erotic fiction with a well-written disclaimer attached to it, then you have some degree of artistic licence in this area. However, if you are attempting to depict BDSM activities in a “realistic” way then you should make sure that they follow this easily-memorable three-pronged rule.

That rule is, of course, “safe, sane and consensual”. In other words, your kinky characters should be aware of any relevant safety issues [there are various books and articles on this whole subject], they shouldn’t do anything obviously dangerous/life-threatening, they shouldn’t do any BDSM stuff whilst drunk or stoned and, most importantly, everyone involved has to consent to what is happening.

This last part is usually done via discussions before or during the activity and/or via a “safeword” (usually a completely random word and/or hand signal) which any participant can use at any time as a signal that everything should stop because they no longer wish to participate.

If you’re going to include realistic descriptions of BDSM within your story and/or comic, then be sure to at least show your characters agreeing on a safeword before they begin and/or showing them talking about what to do before or during their activities.

5) They probably won’t mention it: How many people do you personally know who are into BDSM? Unless you’ve got a very interesting group of friends or live in a really cool part of the world, then I’m guessing that your answer will probably be zero. This doesn’t mean that you don’t actually know anyone who is into BDSM, it just means that they’re probably not going to tell you about it.

This happens for several reasons. Firstly, it is a form of sexuality which is very often maligned, looked down upon and misrepresented – so, people who are into BDSM have probably grown up in an environment where there is a lot of prejudice surrounding part of who they are. Secondly, people who are into BDSM can also often lack appropriate legal protections and can face discrimination from people in authority too – to give two British examples, there was the Spanner Case in the late 1980s and, to a much lesser extent, a narrow-minded decision by a town hall in Cambridgeshire a few weeks ago.

As such, it’s something that most people who are into BDSM learn to hide fairly quickly.

So, if you are writing a “realistic” story which includes kinky characters, then they’re probably going to be very cautious about who they reveal this side of themselves to.

6) Horror and BDSM: Like with point three on this list, horror imagery can often be conflated with BDSM imagery. And, since some aspects of BDSM would look “horrific” in any other context, then it’s fairly easy to see how this may result in confusion in some writers and/or artists.

Plus, some horror writers and film-makers who lack a nuanced understanding of the topic can sometimes incorporate BDSM imagery into their stories/films in a clumsy way in order to make them more “edgy” or whatever. This misrepresentation of BDSM as “horrific” is not only ignorant, it also promotes prejudices and stereotyping too.

This isn’t to say that BDSM and horror should never meet each other or overlap. However, you should be extremely conscious about what you are putting into your story.

In other words, if the source of the horror in your story is BDSM-related, then this usually isn’t a good idea. However, if BDSM is unrelated to any horror in your story, or if safe,sane & consensual BDSM activities take place in a setting associated with horror stories (eg: an old manor house and/or castle), then this is usually ok.

7) If you have to ask, you’ll never know: This isn’t to say that writers and/or artists who have no personal interest in BDSM should never create art about it, but they should at least be more aware that there are probably some emotional, spiritual and physical aspects of BDSM that they will probably never fully understand. And, as such, they should do their research carefully and be extra aware of any inaccuracies or stereotypes which might creep into their work.

No-one is perfect and don’t let this put you off from writing about BDSM, but at least try to write about it in as much of a respectful and accurate way as possible.

—–I hope that this article has been useful 🙂

Three Tips For Writing Erotic Fiction

(Note: Well, I thought that I’d start this blog off with an article I was originally going to publish in late August but eventually decided against publishing because I thought that it would be “inappropriate” for my main blog. Anyway, now that I’ve set up this blog, I thought that I’d post it on here. Enjoy 🙂 )

Whether it’s for personal enjoyment, whether it’s something you dabble in occasionally or whether it’s a genre which you want to specialise in, erotic fiction can be incredibly good fun to write. Although I haven’t read “Fifty Shades Of Grey” (I read an extract online and was pretty disappointed by it), it’s popularity is proof that the genre is starting to be taken seriously and is becoming more respectable.

Whether you see this as a good or a bad thing is up to you, but erotic fiction is as much of a valid genre as horror or comedy fiction (which are also intended to provoke strong emotional reactions in their readers). And, like with any other genre, quality varies quite widely from writer to writer.

In many ways, I would argue that prose fiction is probably one of the best formats for erotica due to the relative lack of official censorship in many parts of the world and the fact that the writer’s level of skill and the reader’s imagination are the only limits to what can happen in a particular story. It is, within reason, a space of pure fantasy where pretty much anything goes.

So, although I haven’t really written that much in this genre, I thought I’d offer three pieces of basic general advice. I won’t be focusing on writing techniques, but on three general things to think about when writing an erotic story.

1) Write what *ahem* works for you: This is the most important rule when it comes to writing erotic fiction. If you’re trying to provoke an emotional reaction in your readers, then your story should provoke the same reaction in you when you are writing it. Yes, this can paradoxically be both a distraction and a source of motivation when you’re writing a story in this genre, but it’s the most important thing to bear in mind if you’re writing this kind of story.

Eg: If you’re straight, stick to writing about straight couples. If you’re gay, stick to writing about gay couples. If you’re a lesbian, stick to writing about lesbian couples. If you’re bi, then this isn’t really an issue. If you’re polyamorous, then write about polyamorous relationships etc……

In short, make sure that your story describes a fantasy you would enjoy even if you weren’t writing about it.

2) Write “springboard” stories: Whilst most stories are designed to produce daydreams and fantasies in their readers’ imaginations, they are usually aimed at telling a linear story with a very clear direction. Yes, the readers may have slightly different ideas about what the characters and the settings look like, but, on the whole, most people’s imagined experiences of a story will generally be fairly similar.

This isn’t really as much the case with erotic fiction, even though many works of erotic fiction have a linear storyline. Because of the type of reaction these stories are intended to provoke – your readers will pretty much automatically see your story in the way that provokes the strongest reaction in them.

In other words, they might mentally alter details of a particular scene into something more satisfying or they might imagine a particular scene from the perspective of a different character than the protagonist and/or narrator.

Rather than being a guided fantasy, erotic fiction is more of a “springboard” for your readers’ personal fantasies.

This is important to bear in mind for several reasons. Firstly, all of your characters should have a reasonable amount of characterisation (even if it’s fairly concise), since your reader could focus on (or feel attracted to) any one of them.

Secondly, make sure that your stories always contain a sense of possibility – in other words, although you might only show certain events in your story, you should at least hint that they’re only a few possible things which your characters could have done. I won’t give any examples here, but I’m sure you get the idea. If you provide enough hints at what else could also have happened, then this is plenty of extra material for your readers’ imaginations.

Thirdly, make sure that you have at least one or two characters which your readers can identify with easily (eg: “everywoman” or “everyman” characters) so that they feel like more of a part of the story.

3)Find a way to keep your inner censor at bay: Given the fact that this genre has been seen as “seedy” or “obscene” in the past and, given the kind of prudish societal attitudes about sex and sexuality which many of your are probably immersed in on a regular basis, then one of the most difficult parts of writing erotic fiction can actually be deciding to write it.

The other problem with writing erotic fiction can be an instinctive sense that you have to “water down” what’s really going through your mind when you put it on the page. If this makes you feel more comfortable with writing in this genre and your “watered down” story is still fairly good, then this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

However, be aware that when people choose to read erotic fiction, they’re looking for something which will provoke a strong reaction in them, in the same way that someone who chooses to read a comedy story is usually looking for something which will make them literally laugh out loud rather than something which might make them chuckle slightly.

Basically, if you’re interested in this genre, then do whatever it takes (within reason) to get past your inner censor as much as you can until you feel more confident about writing in this genre. Write your stories on paper and then shred them after you’ve finished, write under a pseudonym, write your stories in code, write your stories in 8 point type so they can’t be easily readable at a glance etc… whatever it takes to get past your inner censor and, most importantly, to feel comfortable with writing in this genre.

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Anyway, I hope that this article was useful 🙂