Not everyone who is into BDSM looks like this.
If there’s one thing that the mainstream media almost always seems to get horribly wrong, it’s the depiction of characters who are into BDSM. For those who aren’t sure what “BDSM” means, it’s basically the more modern acronym for “S&M” but it also covers bondage and Dom/sub relationships too. I’m not quite sure whether the term also covers fetishes too, but it certainly can include various fetishes too (eg: leather, bondage etc…)
There’s some debate about whether BDSM can actually be considered a sexuality in and of itself, and my opinion on this topic is that for some people it is and for some people it isn’t. Not to mention that (both cisgender and transgender) straight, gay, lesbian and bisexual people can all be into BDSM. So, maybe it can be considered a second level of sexual orientation?
But, nonetheless BDSM is a widely-known variation of human sexuality which has often been unfairly misrepresented and/or misunderstood. As such, creative people who don’t really have even a basic understanding of this topic are likely to inadvertently write or draw about it in inaccurate and/or offensive ways.
So, here are a few basic pointers if you plan to include a kinky character or depictions of BDSM in your story and/or comic:
1) Kinky =/= Evil: Just because a character is into BDSM doesn’t mean that they are inherently evil or depraved. Like any other group of people, there are some good people who are into BDSM, there are some evil people who are into BDSM and most people lie somewhere between these two extremes.
Whilst it’s probably not as bad as it used to be, sadosmaochistic characters still tend to be disproportionately portrayed as “evil” or “morally questionable” in films, stories, TV shows etc… I could draw parallels between the depiction of LGBT characters in the media a few decades ago and the depiction of kinky characters in the mainstream media today, but this is probably too much of an obvious comparison to make (plus, they are completely separate and different things too. Although LGBT people can obviously be into BDSM too, not all LGBT people are.)
So, be aware that it’s perfectly ok for kinky characters to be the “good guys” in your story. They don’t have to be evil. In fact, your story is more interesting if they aren’t.
2) Sometimes there’s a reason, sometimes there isn’t: Just because your character is into BDSM and/or has one or more fetishes doesn’t mean that you necessarily “have” to explain why they are who they are.
Whilst, from what I’ve read, some people can trace their interest in BDSM and/or the origin of their fetishes back to one (fascinating and/or relatively innocuous) event or experience, for quite a few people it’s just something that has always been there in some form or another for literally as long as they can remember. There’s no real reason or explanation for it. It just is.
Likewise, coming up with some kind of “dark” or “horrific” backstory to explain why a character is into BDSM generally isn’t a good idea since it’s usually hideously unrealistic. Not to mention that it will probably make any of your readers who are into BDSM roll their eyes and stop reading your story or comic. Plus, it kind of sends out the message that people who are into BDSM are all “damaged” or “traumatised”, which is blatantly untrue.
3) Not all kinky people are goths, not all goths are kinky: Yes, BDSM imagery/fashion and gothic imagery/fashion go together as well as gin and tonic water do, but this doesn’t mean that all kinky people are goths and vice versa.
Since, as I said earlier, BDSM is (at the very least) a second level of sexual orientation and, as such, it covers a wide variety of different people who, of course, have widely different tastes in fashion and music. They can also have widely different political views too (which is probably why both liberal and conservative BDSM-based stereotypes exist).
Portraying literally all kinky people as goths is pretty similar to portraying, say, all gay men as muscular, mustachioed and dressed in leather. In other words, it’s a stereotype. And, as with all stereotypes, some people might fit into it but quite a large number of people won’t and it is unfair to generalise.
4) Safe. Sane. Consensual: If you’re writing obviously fantastical erotic fiction with a well-written disclaimer attached to it, then you have some degree of artistic licence in this area. However, if you are attempting to depict BDSM activities in a “realistic” way then you should make sure that they follow this easily-memorable three-pronged rule.
That rule is, of course, “safe, sane and consensual”. In other words, your kinky characters should be aware of any relevant safety issues [there are various books and articles on this whole subject], they shouldn’t do anything obviously dangerous/life-threatening, they shouldn’t do any BDSM stuff whilst drunk or stoned and, most importantly, everyone involved has to consent to what is happening.
This last part is usually done via discussions before or during the activity and/or via a “safeword” (usually a completely random word and/or hand signal) which any participant can use at any time as a signal that everything should stop because they no longer wish to participate.
If you’re going to include realistic descriptions of BDSM within your story and/or comic, then be sure to at least show your characters agreeing on a safeword before they begin and/or showing them talking about what to do before or during their activities.
5) They probably won’t mention it: How many people do you personally know who are into BDSM? Unless you’ve got a very interesting group of friends or live in a really cool part of the world, then I’m guessing that your answer will probably be zero. This doesn’t mean that you don’t actually know anyone who is into BDSM, it just means that they’re probably not going to tell you about it.
This happens for several reasons. Firstly, it is a form of sexuality which is very often maligned, looked down upon and misrepresented – so, people who are into BDSM have probably grown up in an environment where there is a lot of prejudice surrounding part of who they are. Secondly, people who are into BDSM can also often lack appropriate legal protections and can face discrimination from people in authority too – to give two British examples, there was the Spanner Case in the late 1980s and, to a much lesser extent, a narrow-minded decision by a town hall in Cambridgeshire a few weeks ago.
As such, it’s something that most people who are into BDSM learn to hide fairly quickly.
So, if you are writing a “realistic” story which includes kinky characters, then they’re probably going to be very cautious about who they reveal this side of themselves to.
6) Horror and BDSM: Like with point three on this list, horror imagery can often be conflated with BDSM imagery. And, since some aspects of BDSM would look “horrific” in any other context, then it’s fairly easy to see how this may result in confusion in some writers and/or artists.
Plus, some horror writers and film-makers who lack a nuanced understanding of the topic can sometimes incorporate BDSM imagery into their stories/films in a clumsy way in order to make them more “edgy” or whatever. This misrepresentation of BDSM as “horrific” is not only ignorant, it also promotes prejudices and stereotyping too.
This isn’t to say that BDSM and horror should never meet each other or overlap. However, you should be extremely conscious about what you are putting into your story.
In other words, if the source of the horror in your story is BDSM-related, then this usually isn’t a good idea. However, if BDSM is unrelated to any horror in your story, or if safe,sane & consensual BDSM activities take place in a setting associated with horror stories (eg: an old manor house and/or castle), then this is usually ok.
7) If you have to ask, you’ll never know: This isn’t to say that writers and/or artists who have no personal interest in BDSM should never create art about it, but they should at least be more aware that there are probably some emotional, spiritual and physical aspects of BDSM that they will probably never fully understand. And, as such, they should do their research carefully and be extra aware of any inaccuracies or stereotypes which might creep into their work.
No-one is perfect and don’t let this put you off from writing about BDSM, but at least try to write about it in as much of a respectful and accurate way as possible.
—–I hope that this article has been useful 🙂
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